I should be getting ready for bed right now.  Actually I should be in bed and have been asleep for awhile.  And I’m tired but I’m not sleepy.  My brain is still whirring from the day.  And not about anything exciting.  Tuesdays are just my really long days right now.  I go straight from work to a 3 hour cheer practice to the grocery store to grab something quick for dinner and then on to my small group (always arriving at least 15 minutes late) and then finally home.  So thoughts and ideas pile up all day and I hardly have time to process anything until the time I should be getting into bed.  I’ve found that I’m definitely someone who has to sit in front of the tv and watch something inane before I can even think about falling asleep (tonight it was 8 minutes of Friends, an episode of Sex and the City, and about 2 minutes of House Hunters International).  I don’t like that I have this habit.  Mostly because I don’t like that I depend on tv to help shut me down.  That doesn’t seem to be the healthiest thing.  I think right now I just need a break.  Good thing I’m taking next week off of work!  I’ve been feeling anxiety slip back into my mind/body/soul and it scares me because I know how paralyzing it can be for me.  And while I can see where having some concern about different things coming up or going on in my life would be okay, its the sense of dread and negativity always at the tip of my brain that just wears me out and gets me in a sort of state of nausea.  I think at the moment a lot of this stems from cheer (random different parts – it is by no means all bad right now) and I’m so looking forward to July just because we’ll be done with camp and we won’t have practice or many events until at least mid August.  It is reminding me a lot of my first 2 of years coaching when I’d wake up with worst case scenarios running through my head and then I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep.  Its not at that point, but I fear that it could get there.  Ok, I had no idea this post was going to get all deep and troubling.  Apparently that’s what’s on my brain that I hadn’t processed yet and can’t shut off yet.  Ugh.