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This past Sunday was my half birthday. I know most of you are thinking, “What? A Half Birthday? That’s absurd.” But my mom always celebrated our half birthdays growing up – no big deal stuff, but when my brother and I were little she would make a half of a round cake for dessert that night to celebrate. Anyway, the half birthday this year reminded me of my birthday post from this past November where I made a list of 27 things I wanted to do this year (27 because I am 27 years old) and I realized I should check in and see what I still need to get crackin on. I’m nervous because I’m pretty sure I still have about 23 1/2 things to get done and that’s pretty embarrassing. But let’s see. (My updates and new thoughts are in blue. And sorry it’s so dang long.)
27 Things I Want to Do This Coming Year (as of 11/17/08)
1. Go to Alaska (this one’s easy – I’m going next week). Yep, I went right after my birthday for Thanksgiving and I’ll be heading up again in July.
2. Get my passport renewed (this has been on the to do list for almost 2 years – I’m ridiculous) Umm…still have NOT done this. Ridiculous. Ridiculous!
3. Go to a foreign country. See above – no passport means no foreign country.
4. Read the books from my current “to read” pile before buying any more I’ve actually been pretty good about this. I’ve read from my pile (which is still quite large) and I’ve been going to the library instead of buying books.
5. Oops, except for I want to read Twilight so that I can see the movie in the theater if I end up liking it. Yep, saw it in the theater twice. And I’ve seen it on On Demand too.
6. Downsize the amount of stuff I own. Have sort of done this, but can do a whole lot more. The one thing I’ve been doing well on is using up stuff like toiletries that I seem to just collect and then not finish before moving on to something else. Plus I have big plans for cutting things down more in a couple weeks when I’m taking the week off work but not going anywhere.
7. Take more ballet classes. Nope.
8. Actually go to the gym. Maybe twice?
9. Celebrate at Naomi’s wedding. Yep, in December and it was a lot of fun! But we’ve been playing phone tag ever since. Seriously. Have not actually spoken to her since then.
10. Watch my cheer squad compete for the first time (and hopefully a second time if we qualify for state). Check and check.
11. Take more pictures. Haven’t been too good about this.
12. Blog on a regular basis. Would like to do more.
13. Stop eating out for lunch so much. Not so much.
14. Get my 3rd full body scan to check for any more skin cancer. Appointment is set for September.
15. Figure out a next “step” in my life. Actually decided to just commit to working at my current job at least through December. But nevertheless, this is always on the forefront of my mind.
16. Drink more water and less soda. I’m drinking more water but not really less soda. Basically my fluid intake is just up.
17. Go to my 10 year high school reunion (which I might have to plan 
). The word is out and yes, I had to plan it. Its the reason for my trip to AK in July.
18. Volunteer at a food bank. Not yet.
19. Do a better job keeping my room/house/car from looking like a bomb went off. Actually I have been better at this! It helps that we got another cat and I needed my room to be clean enough to let her be in there during the day without worrying about her knocking crap all over the place.
20. Take time to actually enjoy coaching during basketball season. Totally happened. Was probably the season I’ve enjoyed most so far in my coaching.
21. Continue to send birthday cards to friends and try to keep in better touch with them overall. Sort of, kind of. In different ways than I expected.
22. Write more thank you cards. Unfortunately, no.
23. Try out yoga. Not yet.
24. Clean out my email inbox (how boring am I on this one?!?!). Done.
25. Spend more time with my Grannie. Yes, but sadly because she broke her hip and was in the hospital and is now at a care facility. So I’ve gone much more often to see her – especially when she was in the hospital and it was just about every day.
26. Not allow my social life to disappear because coaching and work take up too much time. This has sort of happened, but sometimes I feel like my friend group here has drifted apart regardless of my own schedule keeping me from joining in on things.
27. Work on focusing on the positive and trying not to allow anxiety to get the best of me. Always a struggle, but I’d say I’m doing better on the whole.
Ok, so I’m going to say I’ve got about 13ish done or at least incorporated in my life regularly. Not quite as bad as I originally thought, but there’s plenty to get working on.
Finally I got some stuff done. Finally! Yesterday I had a productive day at work and then I went to our first practice with the brand new cheer squad and then home for a short break while eating dinner and watching my dvr’d Greek and then lo and behold, I cleaned my room, my bathroom, did 2 loads of laundry, sorted through and dealt with a big pile of paperwork I have, and paid bills. Finally. It felt really good to just get some stuff out of the way. There is of course much more on the to do list, but that doesn’t matter at this moment. Instead I just need to bask in the glow of feeling accomplished. As I read other blogs (mostly of strangers) I’m always amazed at those people who can just go, go, go every single day. They get up before 5am and hit the floor running until they go to bed after midnight. At least that’s what it seems like. My body and mind just do not function that way. In fact I’ve found more and more that sometimes I just need a whole day to completely veg out. Which is what I did on Sunday. Maybe that’s why it was much easier to get stuff done yesterday? Anyway, whatever the reason it felt nice.
Our first practice was fun. I’m looking forward to getting to know the new girls and it’s always fun to see the girls who will be cheering their third year step up into leadership roles. Every year I have the sense of things going by so fast and I can never believe that my little babies (which is what I lovingly call sophomores) are already going to be seniors. And it’s always funny to watch them when there are no older girls in the room – they definitely realize that they are top dog now and they definitely like that feeling. I also noticed that I felt really comfortable in my role. I think that comes with this being the sixth squad I will have coached but also the relationship I have with this senior class is much different than any other senior class before it. I think I’m finally getting old enough to feel the distance between us and that makes me feel more comfortable because I know they can’t question my authority as much. Not that I’m a crazy domineering coach, but it can be hard to discipline a girl who is only 5 years younger than you (like my first year coaching). Anyway, enough about all that. It was good and I’m looking forward to seeing how this year pans out.
Ummm…I can’t believe I haven’t posted a blog in over a month. What? First of all, April where have you gone? And second, why can’t I get my lazy butt to think of anything to say? It’s not like things haven’t been happening. I went on a trip to Tennessee, we had cheer tryouts, I went to a coaches conference, I even made homemade bread on Friday (exciting, I know). But apparently I’m either too tired from life to actually write about it or its just that even with things happening they are too boring to report. I don’t even know what to say from here. Can I just tell you that it really bothers me that my life feels mundane all the time? And that it’s so overloaded even while be so boring? Sorry Sorry Sorry. I feel like this has been my complaint for the last 5 years, so I apologize to those of you who have heard me whine about it all that time. And I think the advice most people would give me is to just DO something already. But here is the problem – I don’t know what to do. And in the not knowing, I just have a lot of fear of doing something wrong (wrong as in I will hate that outcome too), and so I somehow convince myself that just staying in this normal routine will be better than trying something different and failing. Wow, this blog post has gone all therapeutic now. Again, my apologies. Ok, so here’s my plan for now: I will blog at least 3 more times this week so that hopefully I can see that my whole life isn’t boring and that there are good things happening in it all the time. Some of the posts will be about this last month, but hopefully some will just be about stuff this week. All right, at least I’ve got a plan. Albeit, a small one, but a plan nonetheless.
Well that Abba post has been staring me in the face for too long now. And I really don’t have anything exciting to post (when will the monotony stop???) so I thought I would just post 10 random things that have happened recently. And no, this is not my facebook version of 25 random things about me – that’s already on facebook. You can look for it there. If you are facebook friends with me.
1. I finally saw Slumdog Millionaire last Friday. Amazing. So sad, but also so well done. The story had just the right amount of intricacies to really hook you in.
2. On Saturday I went bowling with some friends. We bowled 2 games and I didn’t break 100 either time. I should have the second time, but the stupid thing froze up and then knocked down my pins that I was supposed to hit for the spare. Also of note, my friend who is currently in a wheelchair (due to breaking both of his heels) bowled too. Definitely had a few gutter balls at first, but he worked on his form and technique and by the end he was giving us a run for our money.
3. I watched Once and Step Up 2: The Streets on Saturday night. I hadn’t seen Once since probably when it was in the theater. So good, but it always breaks my heart in the end. What can I say, I like happy endings. Probably why I ended the night with Step Up – nothing beats an awesome dance routine in the rain followed by a couple’s first kiss. 
4. I ate brie cheese with a mixture of almonds and brown sugar melted on top. Oh my gosh.
5. My new cat woke me up at about 3:45 in the morning on Sunday night (and wouldn’t let me sleep again for at least an hour). I am so not used to sleeping with an animal. She definitely got thrown toward the end of the bed numerous times.
6. I’m actually looking forward to Valentine’s Day. Not because I have a valentine of my own, but because even though this holiday is supposedly a contrived holiday meant to make us spend money on useless chocolates and flowers, I still really like it. I mean yes, you should love the people you love everyday and let them know any old time. But why is it bad to have a chosen day where everyone celebrates love? It’s not saying that’s the only day you can love someone, it’s just helping to call all of our attention to love. Which you know, is “the greatest of these”. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist – but it is true!) Anyway, I’m hoping to make some Valentine’s for my cheerleaders and roommate and Grannie. I sent my niece and nephew’s out today. I’m sure the 10 1/2 month old boy will be very appreciative.
7. I’m going to take part in a blog share. That means that someday in the nearish future I will be posting a post written by someone else. In fact, a total stranger. And you’ll never know who it is. In fact, I don’t think I’ll even ever know who it is. And I’ll have a post of my own on some other total stranger’s blog. But I do think that there will be a list of all the participants or something so that we can check out the other blogs. You can obviously see that this is my first time being a part of anything like this. I am so the girl who jumps on technology after everyone else is pretty much on board.
8. I was able to finish a pretty big project at work in less than one total work day. It is something that comes up every year and we have to submit it to a higher entity in our work world. (Apparently I’m deciding right now not to go into detail about where I work. Even though I may have already talked about it in a previous post.) So I think this was my 4th time putting it together and submitting it. It is a crazy statistical report for things that we don’t keep very good records of (you would think we would have learned). Anyway, every year they send it out about a month before it is due. The first year I didn’t know what I was doing and it ended up being one of the most stressful couple of days for me to get it done. Each year since has been better but still difficult tracking down all these numbers in random places and from various people. So this year, I get an email last Thursday saying it is due today (Tuesday). I completely freaked out. Turns out none of us ever got the info they send out about a month before. ANNOYING. But in the end I got things figured out and I think we’re actually more accurate this time around than ever before. Ok, that was a lot of blah blah blahing about work.
9. I have been reading Gone With the Wind to Grannie. It is so long! And it takes me forever just to read one chapter. I read to her yesterday and I think we are on page 196 of something like 1,060 pages.
10. I have flossed my teeth every night since January 21st (the date of my last dentist appointment) and I’ve made my bed every morning this month (because of the new cat). I’m sure this does not seem significant to many of you readers, but let me just tell you that it is. At least to me and probably my mom who had to live with me never doing either of these things for all of my growing up years.
So right now I feel like I’m trying to squish 2 or 3 weeks of stuff into this one week. Actually less than one week because I was sick on Sunday and Monday and did nothing but sleep or lie on the couch. I know everyone feels like this especially around the holidays and my bit of complaining here is like white noise. But seriously as I’m looking at the week almost every bit of time is taken by something. Work or cheerleading or errands or chores. And I do have some fun things coming up this weekend, but I want to do some things to prepare for them (some baking, making little gifts, etc.) and I honestly cannot seem to find a place in my schedule to get it done. Like not even an hour. And actually I don’t even have time for all the work, cheerleading, errands, and chores I HAVE to do. So my room remains a complete disaster (but, hey what’s new?), my car continues to be a little too much like a trash can, and my dumb task list continues to to just have things added on rather than crossed off. And pretty soon I’m going to need some more clean underwear.
And really I know that there are some things I could be cutting out to get the rest of this stuff done – things like writing this blog or watching an episode of Friends or finishing book 4 of the Twilight series (yep, did that this morning from about 5:05 – 6:10am), or checking my facebook more than once a day – but I think I would feel like a complete robot without a little bit of those kinds of things in my day. And really the time spent on those things doesn’t add up to much and is usually done while I’m eating dinner or doing some little project (my roommate might tell you differently).
And yes, I’m really busy this week, but in actuality most of my weeks are pretty similar. I’m always completely excited when I have 2 nights during the week with no obligations because that is a very rare occurence. As I get to be a little later in my 20’s I’m resenting and worrying about this even more. I don’t want to look back at my 20’s and just see how well I did at fulfilling obligations, I’d like to see that I lived some good life stuff in there too. Right now my life doesn’t feel like it belongs to me. That’s not something I want to have continue.
Today is my 27th birthday. This is a day that never really crossed my mind when I was younger – I thought being 20 was old. But here I am at 27 with 30 sort of looming right there in the near future. Weird.
I celebrated with friends yesterday. A bunch of girls from my small group joined me at the Abbey Garden Tea Room (one of my favorite places ever) for a little tea party and then a few of us went to the new James Bond movie after that (I liked it but I think Casino Royale was better).
In honor of this day and the year that has led up to it and the year that will come from it, I decided to make lists of 26 things I did in my 26th year and 27 things I’d like to accomplish or do in my 27th year. So here it goes:
26 Things I’ve Done This Year (in somewhat chronological order)
1. Went to Alaska twice
2. Continued to support Harriet who lives in Uganda through Childcare Worldwide
3. Read Pride & Prejudice for the first time (I’d read every other Jane Austen book except for Lady Susan but still had not conquered the most famous one)
4. Learned to make really good garlic mashed potatoes and cooked a butternut squash for the first time (random I know, but these mashed potatoes are so good that I get sudden cravings for them at least every other week)
5. Got my first bikini wax (I know – TMI, but it was significant in my year only because now I know they aren’t to be feared!)
6. Went to Disney World for the first time (not as great as I imagined)
7. Had surgery to remove a melanoma
8. Became an aunt to my darling nephew
9. Started my fifth year coaching cheer
10. Went to Disneyland for the sixth time
11. Met my good friend Naomi’s fiance
12. Camped at a music festival on Orcas Island (and played about a billion games of Bananagrams)
13. Went to the dentist for the first time in 5 years
14. Hosted my friend Carlie and her baby on their visit here from TN
15. Took a CPR/First Aid class
16. Got hooked on the abc family show Greek
17. Took my first ballet class in 5 years (after having danced from 2nd grade through my senior year of college)
18. Went horseback riding (this was a birthday present to my roommate for her birthday 2 years ago! I finally made it happen.)
19. Went to the So You Think You Can Dance tour (I love Chelsea Hightower.)
20. Quite working at the INN (sad.)
21. Started this blog
22. Went to Hood River for Naomi’s bachelorette weekend
23. Went to the movies by myself
24. Got rid of 2 garbage bags full of clothes and a box full of shoes (actually I still need to take one bag and the shoes to Goodwill!)
25. Went to Stoney Ridge Farms for the first time (This is the Disneyland of pumpkin patches. Oh, and I ate an apple right off the tree for the first time!)
26. Voted in the presidential election
And now…27 Things I Want to Do This Coming Year
1. Go to Alaska (this one’s easy – I’m going next week)
2. Get my passport renewed (this has been on the to do list for almost 2 years – I’m ridiculous)
3. Go to a foreign country
4. Read the books from my current “to read” pile before buying any more
5. Oops, except for I want to read Twilight so that I can see the movie in the theater if I end up liking it
6. Downsize the amount of stuff I own
7. Take more ballet classes
8. Actually go to the gym
9. Celebrate at Naomi’s wedding
10. Watch my cheer squad compete for the first time (and hopefully a second time if we qualify for state)
11. Take more pictures
12. Blog on a regular basis
13. Stop eating out for lunch so much
14. Get my 3rd full body scan to check for any more skin cancer
15. Figure out a next “step” in my life
16. Drink more water and less soda
17. Go to my 10 year high school reunion (which I might have to plan )
18. Volunteer at a food bank
19. Do a better job keeping my room/house/car from looking like a bomb went off
20. Take time to actually enjoy coaching during basketball season
21. Continue to send birthday cards to friends and try to keep in better touch with them overall
22. Write more thank you cards
23. Try out yoga
24. Clean out my email inbox (how boring am I on this one?!?!)
25. Spend more time with my Grannie
26. Not allow my social life to disappear because coaching and work take up too much time
27. Work on focusing on the positive and trying not to allow anxiety to get the best of me
I’ve had sort of a rough week. And really it didn’t need to be. You see I have this very sensitive side of me that gets all worked up and offended by things that aren’t even directed at me. Oh, and I get anxious about things happening in the future that might cause me to have these reactions. It irritates me that I do this and I realize that I could specifically choose not to let these things affect me, but affect me they do.
Anyway, in the spirit of trying to change and to see the good things that are happening in my life everyday I thought I would recap the positives of this weekend.
Friday:
*Didn’t have to work at all because I got ALL of my hours in during Monday-Thursday (an unusual feat for my normal schedule).
*Set up my printer that I’ve had for almost a year. I know…ridiculous!
*Attended our last football game for this season of coaching cheer. I like football, but it is nice to move inside for basketball and to feel like we’re making progress on this year.
Saturday:
*Went to this very cool craft fair put on by Ten Thousand Villages. The roommate and I have now gone for the past 3 years. I like having this tradition with her.
*Made apple crisp.
*Ate said apple crisp at an early Thanksgiving meal I was graciously invited to by some very nice friends. Was entertained by one of my favorite 2 year olds, ate lots of good food, drank some good wine, and got caught up with some people I hadn’t seen in quite awhile.
Sunday:
*Went to Target with the roommate for random shopping and to see “Christmas”. They have some nice new ornament sets.
*Watched “Victoria & Albert” about Queen Victoria and her husband, Prince Albert. We looked up lots of people on Wikipedia and are now much more educated about the English monarch – like the fact that as Queen, Victoria had to propose to Albert and that she arranged the marriages for 9 of her children and 42(!) of her grandchildren. Yes I know – nerd alert!
Monday:
*While not technically the weekend, it was definitely a positive to wake up early enough that I was at work by 8am (also not a usual feat for my normal schedule).
*I’m listening to Pandora and I’ve heard 3 of my favorite songs from back in the day in the last 5 songs. Good stuff. Oh, make that 4 – another one just started!
Ever since college (heck, in college some too I guess) I’ve really had a difficult time dealing with anxiety. I don’t give myself full blown panic attacks or anything – its more of just obsessing over whatever I’m dealing with so much that my brain just can’t shut up about it. A lot of the time this makes me wake up in the middle of the night to continue obsessing at 3am when there is nothing I can do about anything.
Anyway, I started obsessing over a very very small thing that happened last Friday and my brain just went on and on and on about it. And I felt so much guilt and worry and despair about it. And in the grand scheme of things in life it was so so small. But it just eats me up. I actually yelled at myself aloud to shut up and let it go. (which didn’t work by the way.)
I’ve talked to my mom and friends and counselors about this habit and they all have great advice and insight, but for some reason it (the anxiety) just sticks with me and I continue to not handle it very well. And in fact I think that the more I’ve talked to people about it the more aware I am that this isn’t healthy and the worse the guilt is each time I obsess over something.
I wonder if I dealt with this issue when I was younger and I just didn’t notice it as much because it was on a smaller scale since my responsibilities were not nearly as heavy as they are now. Now it seems to infringe on every part of my life.
Anyway, I’m not sure what to really do about it, but I thought writing a little bit about it might be helpful. The other option is to be awake at 3am trying to force myself back to sleep when my brain can’t shut up about it. And I like to sleep too much.
